Sooooo… It has been a (very long) while since I last blogged. Life got in the way. I was working two jobs. We bought a truck. We got a dog. We moved to 3 different places – with the last and current one being our very first home. Adulted much? I guess so! But in the last 5 years, I would say nothing has significantly changed me more than this next one did.
I have become a mother.
It came as a surprise. It’s only been 2 months since I started my first ever nursing job here in the States. But I was always feeling tired, sleepy at work despite a good sleep the night before. Plus my husband was sure he was told years ago by his doctor he won’t have any kids. It was the day after Christmas, our very first, together. Red day has not come in more than a month, though that did not give it away since it came pretty irregularly. So after repeated requests, make the last one a command, Freddie bought me the kit. And the rest was history.
My first pregnancy was not the most comfortable. I had the morning anytime sickness up until the 5th month. I lost weight because of that. It was just getting better during the next couple of months until the ninth month came and everything was back to misery. I had to pick up extra shifts on top of that, working even five 12-hr shifts a week to get enough PTO hours for when I’m on maternity leave.
August 21, 2014. 6:42 P.M. 2 days post due date, 20 hours of labor, an epidural, and 8 pushes later.. We finally met the love of our lives.
And life’s been a roller coaster since. I switched to working at night so my husband and I can take turns watching our baby as he works the office hours. 2-3 hours of sleep was a privilege, 4-5 luxury. I thought labor pain was enough, I thought the first void burn was enough. Then I sobbed and bled in pain while nursing him during the first month, screamed when he was teething. Include crying in the hospital bathroom during a crazy toxic shift, suffering from mastitis because there’s no time to pump. I gave away my freedom and privacy in the bathroom and just accepted the fact that for the next 5 years, I’m having a spectator while I sit on my throne.
I looked at the stretch marks that will forever grace my then flat but now flabby stretchy tummy. I stared at myself in the mirror and noticed how – tangled the hair was; dark the circles and puffy the bags were; hollow those cheeks were; old that face looked. Then I glanced at the sleeping boy next to me. So peaceful, so beautiful, so worth all of it.
Looking back I realize what a heck of a journey I went through to get to where I’m at and be the person that I am right now. Sure was full of tears, sweat and blood. But had everything not happen, I wouldn’t be smiling as wider, laughing as harder, living as happier. So if somebody asked me if I’m willing to go through the same ordeal again?
In a heartbeat.
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